The girl who just can't play it cool

And I know that seems insanely trivial. That’s because it is. AND YET. I can’t help but be incredibly bothered by this. I am cursed with two ‘S’ssssssssss in my name. As soon as I have perfected the first ‘S’, I have to do it all again. It goes in, then out, then in again?!?! Or is it out?!?! I can’t take it.

I just get psyched out. It’s like spelling the word ‘psyched’. I think I have it and then I don’t. I very clearly don’t. I’m pretty sure I have it going the right way, and then all of a sudden I have a Z or the number 2 or a giant C, instead of an S.  S’ssssssss require a significant amount of planning and spatial awareness, which I deeply lack. Maybe I thought I would magically get better at this as I got older, but as usual, nothing comes naturally to me. I can’t eyeball shit. I just gotta do it and hope for the best…Plunge into the unknown that is that blank space and fill it up with the two best S’sssss I can create in the moment.

I wish I could just shorten my name and exclude them from it but they’re a critical part of the show. They’re half of my name. So I’m doomed to a life of wonky S’sssssss. A lot of care and attention is needed in order to make them look just even passable as the letter S. Otherwise they just end up looking like shrunken angry old men, glaring at me, wondering why I didn’t leave them enough room and instead wedged their bellies against the edge of the frame. I fucking tried man.

I’ve got speed, just not accuracy. I think I have it, every time, but I never ever do. Ever.  And i just look down and sigh because I’m so resigned to this. I think I might seriously change my mind about which superpower I would want most. You know how much time I could save myself getting dressed in the morning?  It takes me three times as long to properly put on a sweater with buttons than it does just a normal no-button low-maintenance sweater.

There is no word in the English language that rhymes with the word “month”. Obviously, a well-known fact.

Until now.

In ‘Blank Space‘ T Swift sings: “Find out what you want/ Be that girl for a month”.

Taylor Swift is all powerful and all-knowing. I know she’s right, I’m just not sure if I’ve been mispronouncing ‘want’ my whole life, or ‘month’.

These are two beautiful and magical words that will help you out in an argument, every single time. It’s like an eject button on an argument. If you don’t want to argue any more and just want to get out of the situation immediately, just say these two words and BOOM, you’re out. No one can argue with you if you tell them they’re right. That’s all anyone wants to hear, ever.

I ate half a Deep ‘n Delicious for breakfast today. The heart wants what the heart wants.