Mar 12 2015
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Minutiae

This one time, I was on the subway.

I was headed west. I only had a few stops to go. The subway car was pretty empty. I sat down on one of those two seaters by the window and stretched out my legs. I realized too late this put me directly across from someone also sitting on one of those two seaters by the window. We kept making awkward eye contact and then we’d both quickly look away. Rinse and repeat. Our subway car got more and more empty. We were almost at the next stop; the second last stop on the line. He stood up. We were in the station now. He walked towards the doors in between our seats. He grasped the pole. We looked at each other again.

“Nice pants.”

And he walked off.

Mar 11 2015
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Play

I try not to take it personally when I walk into a room and my cat walks out.

But I know a part of me does. It’s so obvious she can’t stand to be in the same room as me. She won’t talk about it with me either.

Mar 10 2015
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Work

I work at a trendy clothing store now and no one there needs me to look at them.

The customers there are already so used to constantly being looked at- by their boyfriend or parents or siblings or friends. They’re even used to looking at themselves in the pictures they take and post online. It’s such a common, everyday thing. They’re already being looked at and feeling validated, they’re reflected everywhere in the mirrors, the mannequins, in the ads. With the people who shop at my grocery store, it’s mostly elderly people and immigrants. They need to be validated and looked at and paid attention to and fussed over. They love it.

At the clothing store everyone mostly just wants to be left alone. They don’t need you. My favourite customer there so far has been this old white lady who spoke with a Jamaican accent and bossed me around as I tried to find a scarf she didn’t hate. There’s something about looking someone full in the face and letting your eyes rest on their eyes for a moment that I think is really intense and powerful. It’s like saying something without actually saying anything. And it’s honestly not really comfortable sometimes but I think it’s kind of an important thing to do.

Mar 08 2015
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Fam

‘Lose Yourself’ by Eminem is blasting from

 my radio in my room. Mom and I are downstairs in the kitchen.

“What is this garbage coming from upstairs?”

“Mom…it’s just a rap song.”

“…Those people are angry!”

Is she really so wrong?

Mar 04 2015
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Boys

Have you ever noticed that some guys

have an intense sexy serial killer kind of look that’s strangely attractive? You know what I mean? They have a really powerful gaze and a mysterious… spontaneous…. electric quality that surrounds them like maybe they’ll go crazy any minute and you’re not sure if you want to see it happen but you’ll stick around anyway because just the possibility of it happening is thrilling and why on earth would you want to miss that?

Mar 03 2015
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Play

Last summer I went to Brazil. 

My friends and I were so excited for Rio. As soon as we arrived in the city, we dropped our stuff at the apartment we were renting and headed to the beach. When we got there, I realized I had forgotten my towel.

I brought my thirty page insurance policy with me, but I didn’t bring a towel.

DSC02100

Mar 02 2015
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Work

Yesterday, I started tallying how many guys

I saw at my work with their hair styled in a bun. It’s way more fun than tallying the email addresses I collect from customers. The count at the end of the day was four. Todays was sadly zero. Not one man-bun graced our store while I was there. I’m still super excited to see how far this goes though. I taped a little piece of paper to the side of the front counter so I could mark it down when I saw one. I hope my managers don’t find out.

man bun

Feb 26 2015
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Work

“I hope someone’s told you today how SEXY you look!”

For a moment, I definitely thought the customer was talking to me. And albeit confused,  I felt pretty good about myself. But then she continued, I guess hoping to clarify:

“YOU! Nubian king!”

And I realized I was definitely out of the running.

Feb 23 2015
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Friends

This one time in high school,

my friend Marija told me about how she tricked an elderly lady into taking her seat on the bus. She said she couldn’t just offer it to her because she assumed the lady would be too proud to take it. So Marija’s solution was to put on an entire act of getting off the bus. She pretended to peek out the window as if she was looking out for her stop. She rang the bell (“I knew someone had already pulled it, so I was good”), and then finally stood up as if she was ready to get off.

And it worked. The old lady took Marija’s seat. And Marija…just stood there.

“Oh!”, the old lady said, “I thought you were getting off!”

“Nope”, said Marija.

My friend Marija is insane. In a truly wonderful way that is one of a kind.

Feb 22 2015
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Uncategorized

One time, I was having a conversation with

a few friends when one of them mentioned to the group,

“Jess loves strangers.”

And she said it in such an off-hand way, as if it was just a known fact. I didn’t know that. I really didn’t. Until she said it, and then I started thinking about it.

Strangers to me are like blank pages that I just want to mess up with a million different colours. They’re so exciting. There’s so much potential. They could be anything or anyone. With strangers there’s no fear. A stranger has no control over you because they’re just a stranger. They don’t know you. A stranger can’t hurt you. Strangers are for fun.

I fall in love with everyone I meet. Until it wears off and I inevitably fall out of love with them. That’s what scares me. When strangers stop being strangers and love stays.

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