I really think I should get one. I need something to distract me from my distractions.
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I really think I should get one. I need something to distract me from my distractions.
There are some things I actually can do at the same time, like cook and clean up the kitchen. Some things I can half do, like get dressed and brush my teeth at the same time. And others just don’t work at all…like trying to write and cut a pomegranate at the same time. You just need your absolute full attention to do just one of those things successfully. So doing them together is strictly out of the question. Ugh….but I want to…. I don’t have the patience to fully do one and then do the other even though it’s physically impossible otherwise. I get so frustrated that I end up doing neither. Why do the things I want have to be so damn hard to achieve. I just want it all. WHY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR. All I ask is that the rules of the universe don’t apply to me.
Or more specifically, eff people who cook and then take a picture of whatever it is they cooked. People who cook are so damn smug. I will NEVER like your post. Like, you’re clearly just posting a picture so people will fawn over you. Why do people fall for that. Is there no room for modesty in this world? Like I fucking get it. You can make something that contains more than three ingredients. You are not special. You know what takes real effort? Not bragging about your minute accomplishments. You just want attention. You are baking for attention. I’m tired of fucking looking at pies and cookies and cakes and fois de gras and meals that contain all four food groups. Can you just eat the damn thing already? “Wait wait wait, I need to take a picture!” Da fuq? Why? Doesn’t anyone realize how ridiculous this sounds?…. FOOD IS FOR EATING. Am I gonna eat a damn picture? Why would I give a shit about what you made unless I get a piece of it? You’re just being a show off…and a tease. It’s just rude.
The ‘be safe’ part kind of puts a damper on the ‘have fun’ part.
and a man sat on me on the subway ride home. So not the best day in all. But not the worst either.
My twenty four year streak of no-shovelling has come to an end. It wasn’t actually that hard! I felt good doing it. It was actually pretty fun. I felt tough. And cool.
Now that’s poetry. KISS knows what’s up. KISS knows how I feel. It’s sexy AND sweet.
Ask them how many syllables in the word “fire”. Seriously.
Like you become kind of fixated on it? I don’t know if that’s only me. And you’re all worried and nervous about it even though it’s not actually a big deal and it’s actually really easy and people have been doing it for centuries? I’m like that with holding a baby. I’ve never properly done it before. I think I’ve built it up in my head, but I won’t actually know that to be a hundred percent true until I do it. It just seems like the kind of thing I should know how to do by now. I’m having flashbacks to when I worried about shovelling snow. This is the holding- a- baby version of that kind of anxiousness.
It’s just that there are no main babies in my life so I’ve never really been regularly exposed to one. And the few times that I have been around a baby, no one’s ever been like “Hey, hold my baby!” In that scenario, it’d be ok if I messed up because someone just thrust their child at me. I didn’t ask for that. But if I ask to hold the baby, I think it’s kind of understood that I should know what I’m doing. I asked to hold it. I don’t think you get a second chance to do it right. A baby is precious cargo….you can’t mess that up.
And if somehow I did get the chance to actually hold a baby, that’s just the beginning of it. Now I have to actually hold it. There are so many things that can go wrong. What if it starts crying the minute it got in my arms? I know that I shouldn’t take that personally, but I totally would. How could I not? They were fine a minute before in that other persons arms, and what? Now they’re not cool in mine? Why? What’d I do? I know other people around me would be nice about it and try to make me feel better. They’d probably say things like: “Oh he’s just cranky” or “Oh he’s probably just hungry”. But secretly they’d probably think there’s something wrong with me. I would totally think that about someone else. What’s wrong with you that the baby doesn’t want to be near you? You probably yell at your grandma. I would probably think I’m all superior and that would never happen to me. “The baby would love me”, I’d think, all smug. Until it’s in my arms and it’s clear it doesn’t. The baby can just smell the bad thoughts brewing in my head. It knows that I have a strong urge to knock over all the glassware when I’m at Ikea and that I talk too loudly in libraries and that I enjoy eating with my hands way too much. It would know I’m up to no good and I’m not worthy to hold a pure innocent child in my arms. They’re like mini wizards.
is being tired and hungry at the same time. This is usually the case when I get home from work. I’m too hungry to sleep and too tired to eat. So many vicious circles in my life. How’s a girl to get out?
Wait, don’t tell me. I honestly think I’d rather just complain. I don’t have to get off the couch to do that.
The girl who just can't play it cool 