I’ve been told that mine is excellent. Like not just good, or decent, or normal… but excellent. I have Excellent Blood Pressure. I wouldn’t even care but it’s just that it’s happened so many times now that I’m starting to think I’m special. I’m not naturally good at a lot of things either, so this means a lot to me. I don’t have that thing where I’m just good at stuff without trying. Unless it’s talking about myself. That comes pretty effortlessly to me.
So anyway, when I get my blood pressure taken and I’m told mine is excellent, I feel a little pleased with myself. I feel a little proud. Like cool, great blood pressure. That’s something I can put on my resume right? It’s gotta be. Special skills: Excellent Blood Pressure- less likely than others to faint on the job. Not like Fainting Faye over there. Don’t hire her. Hire Jess: Excellent Blood Pressure. I feel like excellent blood pressure means I’m not prone to fainting. I don’t actually know that to be a fact but it feels right so I’m going to go with it.
To be honest, I don’t even know what it means the nurse says she’s going to check my blood pressure. She wraps that velcro thing round my arm and takes a listen and then that’s it- Excellent Blood Pressure. I actually make the same joke every time she does this. I can’t stand that quick minute when I have to be quiet so they can take a listen to all my blood cells moving around:
“So I’m still alive?”
And I immediately cringe inwardly because I remind myself of the old men who shop at my store who make horrible jokes for attention. The nurse always laughs though. But I can never tell if it’s a fake laugh or not. My ego tells me it’s real but my gut says it’s fake.
The girl who just can't play it cool 